Only Me

Only Me

I thought about starting an OnlyFans (OF).

The prospect is enticing. People literally making thousands of dollars a month for posting sexy pictures and videos of themselves. Yes, I know there are OF creators who post non-sexual content, but let’s not kid ourselves. We know what brings in the big bucks.

I even went so far as to create an account just to see what it would look like: created a banner, put up a profile pic and filled in the bio. My idea was to talk about cybersecurity and jiujitsu concepts in lingerie and occasionally put up suggestive/ artsy pics. No nudity, all PG-13 stuff.

But I deleted it the next day. And here’s why:

It’s not my thing.

I have friends on OF and they’re successful. If anything, I’m quite envious of how much money they can make in a month selling feet pictures. It’s truly absurd. More power to you. I love you and respect you. Get that bag, you gorgeous queen!

It’s not easy though. It takes work and time, neither of which I personally want to dedicate to this venture. I’d have to constantly one-up my content just to maintain a following. Considering what I’m willing to do and NOT do for a buck, I’d quickly hit the ceiling.

My IG account has been nefariously duplicated twice this year and while frustrating, the thing I found most illuminating about the situation is most of my friends would not be surprised if I ventured into selling explicit content. I’m not offended, but it did give me pause to examine my reasons for not.

I flaunt my body and my sexuality because it gets attention. I use that attention to drive traffic to my blog, for personal validation and ultimately to express myself.

I try to stay in shape by eating healthy, doing jiujitsu and yoga on the regular and supplementing with walks/ rock-climbing/ trekking etc. So yes, I want to show it off because I won’t be this young, fit and beautiful forever.

I don’t mind if people judge me harshly for it because I know it’s not the only card I have to play. There is more to me, and if someone doesn’t care to look past the shiny veneer and my cheeky (pun intended) sense of humor to all the other facets of my personality, they’re simply not my people. I don’t take criticism from someone I wouldn’t ask for advice.

That being said, I do care about what my friends think. A good portion of my friends are men… men who also have girlfriends and wives. I go to jiujitsu 2-4 times per week and I am the only woman who comes to master cycle class consistently in the last year.

I’ve worked hard to gain the respect of my peers who all happen to be men by default and my friendships with them are important to me. The possibility of one of them subscribing to my OF or their significant other finding out they train with someone who has an OF could irreparably damage those friendships.  Fair or not, having an OF would carry a negative stigma, regardless of what I post.

Being sexually liberated should not be mutually exclusive from being a badass fighter and neither should it detract from it. But not everyone follows that same line of thinking. A cursory search through my social media feeds will show I push the envelope enough as it is, but being PAID to do what I normally do would turn my impassioned self-expression into a TRANSACTION, thereby losing its original purpose.

Nowadays, we live in a world where we can buy anything: food, sex, a wife, a hitman, a kidney, and have it delivered to us almost instantly. While it has elevated our quality of life in some ways, it has woefully detracted from our perception of things once held sacred.

There are some things, such as pieces of myself, that I don’t think should be sold or so easily obtained for something as worthless as money. This isn’t me being holier than thou; it’s just a preference I’ve come to obtain after years of experience, emotional maturity, hard work and privilege.

I don’t want to be bought. I want to be earned. Which is why I get frustrated and turned off when someone tells me they like me or they’re into me when they don’t know me, when they don’t ask questions about me, when they haven’t done their research or read my blog. You like the way I look and you like the idea of me that you’ve made up in your head.

This needs to be said: Most of the guys who slide into my DMs are DUMBASSES. If you’re reading this and you start with “hey”, beg for nudes, can’t carry a conversation by asking personal/insightful questions, don’t use correct grammar/ spelling/ punctuation, want to “get to know me” but can’t be bothered to read my blog… YOU ARE A DUMBASS.

There are a lot of beta males out there who front like they’re Alphas, and trust me, I see right through you. ^This bullshit does not make the cut. Do better. Up your game. Fix yourself. And until you do, kindly FUCK OFF.

But if you want to give me money anyway, my Venmo is @Muriel-P .

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Disclaimer: To my good friends who do OF, please do not take this as a judgement of your personal choices and why you do them. I would never want to yuck on someone’s yum. We are both naked in our glass houses. The difference is you’re making bank =P All I wish to do is find empowerment in expressing my truth in the same way I hope you find empowerment in expressing yours. Much love to my fellow Queens and Goddesses.

The news came out recently: Only Fans will be banning sexually explicit content. What are your thoughts on this? For or against?

Are you a creator on the platform and how will this affect you? What do you plan to do going forward?