Mr. Right Now
Mr. Right Now
By Muriel Palanca
I'm afraid all my great loves are behind me. Not that they were that great. It was that I loved so greatly all the wrong people who were right…or at least seemed so at the time. They were mistakes worth making, lovely moments of chaos left in my rearview mirror.
Yet as I stare out my windshield, you casually cross my path with so little noise, like a message in a bottle looking for a place to land and I cannot bear the thought of fading quietly like two ships passing in the night.
You’re this fluffy badass bunny with one ear sticking out, sitting in a corner sewing the fragments of your tattered soul and I’m a reckless Roman candle who over thinks everything. We’re two crooked halves walking slowly in the same general direction, carving pleasant circles in our patch of green.
And it’s enough for now. We can tread on maybe for a little while. Dance the hokey pokey, watch the sunset as our legs dangle from Humpty Dumpty’s wall. Play it safe and half-ass our foolish feelings.
But what if we said “Screw it!”? What if we got bruised and messy and ended up hurting a little deeper? I know this is a library book on loan, but what if you didn’t return me right away. What if you read my story and mark my margins in pen? Pay the overdue fines and penalty fees because redemption is worth the risk.
Tell me about your dead father and the son you lost and the girls who've torn you up inside. All the big and little things that broke your heart, snapped you in two and made you who you are. I want to memorize every word, and know your scars by heart, tattoo it on my arms to leave behind more than just a trace to be etched over.
All of your skeletons and dirty laundry, all of your baggage, I’ll help you carry it or sort through it or throw it over a bridge as we drive into the city. It’s a stutter but it’s a start. We can have a clean slate. We can start over. Pack our bags and start over. It’s scary and there is a lot of empty to fill in the unknowing maybe, in that chasm of possibility and uncertainty.
But we can move on together. I won't hold your past against you if I can just hold you against me. Cradle your weary head on my aching chest. Press your ear to my back like I'm a seashell while you listen to my wheezing waves.
We’re all trying to find Nemo in an ocean of tuna, but I’m asking you to choose me. I know they say it’s about the journey, not the destination. But it still would be nice to have you in the end, to cross the finish line together, hand in hand and win.
And if we don’t win, we’ll fail, and we’ll fail hard. So hard because we’ll give it all we’ve got. Let’s play for keeps. I'm all in for this. This something feels like almost, like Christmas Eve, like close enough…this something feels like it could be love.
We’re not Bonnie and Clyde. There are no great expectations. No pressure to save the world or figure out which wire to cut. We’re not sliced bread or even a car able to get from point A to point B without stalling. But I still want to fog up the car windows…driving to each other on winter nights, because the miles you put in matter. The fact you try and just show up…matters. Meet me halfway and I’ll meet you anywhere.
You don’t need to call me baby or sexy or bro…just call me home. The one you go to so you can sleep soundly, collapse and surrender because you’re safe here and you make me want to belong to you.
To love you stupidly, passionately, greatly and hard. To burn slowly into a forest fire consuming all the air and melting into peaceful rain. Maybe not forever, but maybe a little longer than just right now. Just please don't say no.
Because whatever this is or turns out to be may not end well and it may not be great. It may not even be right.
But I know, without a doubt, it will be hands down, no holds barred, do or die, all or nothing, to the ends of the earth, balls to the wall…beautiful.
**Can you relate? Tell me where you are currently in your love life. Have you found someone? Are you happy/ sad/ lonesome? I’d love to hear your thoughts!