BBJJJ: Byron Bay, Jiu-jitsu and Jelly

It starts with a security guard who has a nice smile.

I’m out in Byron Bay on my own one night, having a blast. There are tons of night life options like rock concerts, EDM DJs and the best buskers I’ve ever heard- all of which are free to experience and within a 10 min walking radius.

Coming back to the hostel at 1am, the security guard smiles at me as I walk in and holds eye contact for longer than usual. I go over and chat with him. He’s Brazilian and a black belt in jiu-jitsu, nice! I’ve been wanting to get back into training while travelling up the East Coast of Australia. I took a break because of an injury and decided to focus my free time (and funds) on yoga for awhile. He gives me gym recommendations and I say goodnight to do my research.

I contact the closest gym (45 min away) and they said they have a $25 mat fee for one class. After a quick cost/benefit analysis, I conclude it isn’t worth it for me given my schedule. But I had already gotten excited about the prospect of exerting myself. I put my phone down and happen to look up at the events board for Monday: A lighthouse sunset walk and jelly wrestling right after.

Me: Alright, sign me up.

Receptionist: For which one?

Me: Both.

----A few hours later---

I wander into the establishment after a two hour hike up and down a hill. I am the very first match.

There are eight girls in total:

-A set of gorgeous blonde twins with big smiles and bigger biceps.

-A tiny French girl who had the most friends cheering her on.

-Birthday girl

-Miss USA

-English girl who I met at my hostel and was my roommate for one night.

-One more girl, but I can’t remember her.

My initial assessment: The French girl and myself are the smallest ones, easily. I was told by at least three people after the fact that we were the underdogs (their words, not mine) in terms of size. At least half of the girls look like body builders, not the steroids kind, but the ones who lift. Arms, abs and more muscle than I have.

I am first match and it’s against the English girl. Oh damn.

This girl has a body which is significantly bigger than mine and I guess I’m about 3/5 of her mass. This is a subjective guess based on my years of working in clinical research assessing people’s BMIs and physical experience with different body types in BJJ. I’m stating this because it is relevant to the context of the situation.

Let me tell you something, ladies and gentlemen, and I’m going to speak from personal experience on this one: In food, sex and fighting SIZE DOES MATTER.

I know you fellow BJJ practitioners have heard at least once in your career about how BJJ is designed so a smaller opponent can take on a much larger opponent, yeah cool. But before MMA became as ubiquitous as it is today, there was the adage, “Pick on someone your own size.”

Maybe it doesn’t matter MUCH, but it is definitely a factor. I’m not one to pick fights but if I was, I would not have picked one with her for a jelly wrestling tournament.

I had a game plan which pretty much went out the window once I saw who I was going against. And here’s why:

The rules are typical, no hair pulling, no drowning etc. The refs will hit you with a giant foam noodle as a warning if you break a rule. This time around, there are three rounds each match instead of one. Also, photos and recordings are strictly prohibited, so you’ll just have to take my word on everything. But the rule that throws me off this time is: No touching the neck at all. Doing so could lead to instant disqualification.

My original plan was to grab the neck with one hand and grab arm or underhook with the other, take the back, control and go for the sock on the left foot. Ok, can’t do that, maybe I’ll grab the shoulder and arm…

So here’s something I quickly realize and I’m sorry if this is stating the obvious: the rules of PHYSICS are different in a jelly wrestling tournament vs BJJ. Within first contact of my opponent, all the foundational techniques drilled into me from day one (maintain good base, no seal feet, head control, distance management, weight distribution, hook my legs) go out the window because it would be counter-productive OR impossible to do. There is no friction to use for leverage.

This girl will not budge unless she wants to so I have to move around her. Take downs will not work so I maintain my center of gravity and try to stay low. I need to be scrappy and quick- things not usually encouraged in BJJ. Essentially, the strategy becomes: Keep the left foot away at all times and try to get her sock.

I try to sit on my left foot or keep it away as much as I can while still moving. I play keep-away pretty well… until she somehow ends up sitting on me.

As I’m shrimping around to no avail, I have the thought: “Haha, she’s sitting on my face and I didn’t even have to buy her dinner first.” Terrible joke, but you gotta find humor when you can. She gets my sock.

Ah well, that didn’t go quite the way I hoped.

Round two: GO! And she doesn’t move.

This was how the first round went too, where we stared at each other for a few moments because we hadn’t realized it started already and then slowly moved until we got into the groove of hell breaking loose.

I realize after two seconds that she’s waiting for me to make the first move. And I thought, “Fuck it, YOLO, here goes everything.”

I LAUNCH MYSELF at her and “proper went for it” (her words after the fact, not mine) and the crowd goes WILD!

Some people have never been in a fight or at the very least, pick their battles wisely. Some of us are seasoned professionals and go into battle with a level of confidence that we can win this thing.

Regardless of how prepared you are, how much time you trained, how much experience you have, there comes a point at least once in your life where you’ll think,

“I have exhausted all of the skills I can use right now, the ONLY thing that will get me through this is my sheer determination to win, to survive, to pull through.”

Don’t know what that’s called, maybe it’s Kamikaze Fury? I’ll go with that for now. I wouldn’t even say it’s an energy reserve, though it can be, because at this point in the match, I’m not tired at all. I would say it’s more of a mindset and acceptance:

I will go down fighting. It won’t be very good but it’s the BEST I can do and it’s all I’ve got.

At this point, you might be rolling your eyes thinking, “Muriel, you’re being a little dramatic over a jelly wrestling tournament.”

I know, but hear me out:

I live a great life that some might even consider “lucky” or “blessed” by most standards. I have opportunities not a lot of people get or even reach for. But you don’t get a great life and appreciate it without hard work. I’ve gone through my fair share of loneliness, helplessness, heartbreak, doing unconventional things for money, working 14 hours a day and weekends, getting royally screwed over by people I trust, toxic relationships, disappointment from parents, admonitions from friends and making bad decisions.

But I learn from it. I make better decisions and fewer bad ones. I trust myself and I don’t let initial setbacks or what other people think deter me from what I want.

And I needed to remember that. Because I’ve been in a hole the last few months and sometimes, I forget how strong I am.

As I launch myself at her, I feel my fire come back. In the big scheme of things, the second round of a first match in a jelly wrestling tournament isn’t a big deal and will soon be forgotten…but for me, it’s the first time in a long time I’m fighting for something with everything I’ve got and I’ve missed it.

I give her a run for her money. Moving like grease lightning, using my yogic flexibility to angle my legs away, being the unstoppable force against the immovable object. It gets to a point where we are both at each other’s feet. I can feel her working on my sock as I’m working on hers.

I GET IT! And mine comes off too. We’re both holding socks in the air. Crowd is still going wild. After a moment the ref gives the signal. She wins.

The ref smiles at me and says she got it off sooner “by a hair”. He tells me I did a really great job and made a phenomenal spear. We smile and hug. I enjoy watching the rest of the matches, pressure is off.

After the second round of matches, I somehow end up in the shower with both of the twins. We’re laughing, cracking jokes and taking turns getting the jelly out of …everywhere. And I think, “This is a literal wet dream right now on so many levels. You got two blonde twins and an Asian woman in a shower, giving each other compliments (because that’s what good women do). We’re all fit and getting clean because we got dirty from jelly wrestling. All we’re missing is a FedEx guy delivering a package…”

What’s the saying? If you can’t get laid, at least get lucky. *smirks, shrugs*

The rest of the matches were great fun to watch. The French girl lost the first round because she kept grabbing Birthday girl’s neck. The ref hit her with the noodle so many times, it was almost like there were three people in the match instead of two. It went on for a while before she was DQ’d and it was hilarious. The twins got knocked out before the finals, which was a little disappointing because it would have been cool to see them face off. English girl and Miss USA were the final two, with the former being the ultimate champion of the night, walking away with $200 cash and a $50 bar tab.

As for me? The night wasn’t a total loss at all.

Between matches, they ran auctions on three different trips. The final auction was the biggest:

Magnetic Island with 2 nights accommodation, plus ferry, dinner, breakfast, welcome drink AND

Great Barrier Reef Snorkel with intro dive, includes lunch in Cairns. Value $318

I won it for $100! What a steal! And it’s perfect because I have ten more days to fill between being in Cairns and going to the outback.

Moral of the story? Keep fighting. Keep going. Shoot your shot. Say yes.

And don’t pass up an opportunity to shower with twins 😉

You can read more about my first Jelly Wrestling Experience here.