Candis

Me: There is no one in this world who I would do anything for, but I can’t think of anything I wouldn’t do for you.

Candis: …But you still won’t eat my ass?

Me: ….It’s not a hard no… but I can’t think of a situation where I’d do it with enthusiasm…

Next time someone spells her name wrong...

Person: How do you spell your name?

Candis: It's with a C like C-cup and a D-I-S at the end as in "Dis booty is poppin' like a cola on Mentos."

Person: *crickets*

Candis: Take a picture sweetheart. You're gonna hate to see me go but you'll love watching me leave. Deuces

——

Female

Relationship: Single

Age: Dirty 30

Height: 4’11

Weight: 135

Hair: Blonde

Best Physical Feature: Ass and Tits. But if it must be one, her ass. Definitely her INCREDIBLE ASS.

Greatest Strength: Patience and Logistics

Greatest Weakness: Takes forever to answer text messages, but it’s not personal. Can’t cook.

Degree: Biochemistry and pursuing her Masters

Favorite Color: Green

Birthday: October 20, Libra

Words I learned from her: Gucci, Punk Ass Bitch, Dap

Child: Mikayla (a fiery, goofy, friendly gymnast)

Best Friend: Muriel, but she has some peasants from work to keep her company. Charlotte and Louise are ok, I guess.

Our Song: Wonderwall by Oasis

How We Met

I moved to Baltimore Maryland because of a guy. He was a bad decision on many levels, but I’ll forever be grateful for his part in my life because he introduced me to Candis. There were job openings at the clinical research company he worked at called PAREXEL. He chose her to be my mentor because she listened to electronic dance music and I had just started in the EDM scene. Plus, she’s awesome at her job.

A few weeks into our work relationship and budding friendship, I asked her if she wanted to go to the Steve Aoki show with our group of friends because it was during my birthday weekend. She said no because it was the same weekend as her daughter’s birthday… and we realized I share a birthday with her daughter, Mikayla.

Ever since then, our friendship felt like it was meant to be.

We became a dynamic duo at work. Our friends at scheduling would put us together on tasks if it was possible. We had the same work ethic and complimented each other’s skills. She ended up staying as a Research Associate because she enjoyed the clinical work, and I made a lateral move to Reception and then Call Center Recruiting. I’d love it if we could work together again someday.

Kissing Cousins

There was a fair bit of nepotism at work, but I honestly don’t think it was a bad thing. Most of the people got their jobs because they were recommended by someone working there and because of that, we cared about and trusted our coworkers. We consistently went to EDM shows with a few of them too.

I helped my cousin Jolly get a job at PARXEL and Candis did the same with her cousin Sydni. At one point, we were all working at the company together and living together to an extent. Jolly used to live with me and he met Sydni when she stayed at my place for Moonrise Festival. Jolly and Sydni are now engaged.

When they got together, they moved in an apartment across from mine. And our apartments were a two-minute drive from work. Candis would stay at my place a few days out of the week when she moved to Salisbury but still needed to work in Baltimore. There were many nights when Candis and I would walk over to Jolly/Sydni’s place and hang out till bed time.

FYI, Candis is one of five siblings, not three. I didn’t realize until a few years into our friendship she had TWO other sisters that I didn’t know about.

Ride or Die

Candis and I got DEEP into the Electronic Dance Music scene for the first three years of our friendship. We would go to Echostage in Washington DC at least every other weekend.

We made a lot of friends from going to shows, festivals and through the community of the DMV EDM PLUR page started by Masa Abe. I look back on some of our posts (mine included) and we were some crazy, thirsty, immature, loving, lost, dumbass kandi kids. But dammit it was such a good time!

This is one of my favorite stories because between the two of us, I am the fuck-up. 99/100 if someone is making a bad decision, it’s me and Candis is the one who keeps OUR shit together. But this one night, she partied a little too hard and ended up missing the headliner while at the club. What ensues is the funniest thing she’s ever said to me.

Heading home from Excision early Saturday morning, we this convo in the car:

Me: Are you fit to drive?

Her: Yeah, I’m fine. (her head starts nodding off)

Me: Are you sure? We can pull over or I can drive. Your head keeps nodding off.

Her: (annoyed at me) It’s just something I do. I’m good. Really, I’m good.

Me: It’s really not a big deal you know. I don’t mind-

Her: (indignantly giving me attitude) GIRL! I’m good. I’ve made this drive before plenty of times. WITHOUT YOU. I’m good, really. If I’m not, I promise I’ll let one of you know…

Me: (*LAUGHS*) BITCH, what do you mean “ONE OF YOU”?! There’s only YOU and ME in this damn car! PULL OVER!

Cheers to (literal and figurative) ride or die best friends: The ones who rage with you and get you home safe, or almost die trying.

The Booty-Guard

So here’s the thing: Candis is not good at answering texts in a timely manner. I’ve gotten used to this because I know that’s how she is and it isn’t personal. But no one else understands that, especially the guys chasing after her. And because they know WE are best friends; they slide into MY DMs trying to reach HER. Like I’m the booty-guard. I’m not standing in anyone’s way, yet they still feel the need to go through me. It’s happened multiple times and it’s hilarious.

Someone she was dating once sent her an Edible Arrangement to MY place because he knew she stayed with me occasionally. I had friends over when it arrived and she was at work.

Me: Oh, it looks like this Edible Arrangement is for Candis. Do you guys want some?

Friends: Do you think she’ll mind?

Me: Nah, she’s cool. I’ll give her a call right now. (bites a flower shaped pineapple piece dipped in chocolate)

Friends: (eats some fruit) The card says it’s from ****. Wow that’s a lot of words…

Me: (on phone) Hey Candis, **** sent you an Edible Arrangement to my house.

Candis: Really? Why?

Me: There’s a card here with a lot of words. I won’t read it now; just come by and get it after work. It’s really good. (trying to talk through a mouthful of strawberry)

Candis: Are you…eating my gift?

Me: … I mean… it’s perishable. We just wanted to try it because…it’s here. I didn’t think you’d mind…

Candis: Who is “WE”?!!

Me: Don’t worry, there’s still plenty left! (a very noticeable third of the bouquet is missing)

Candis: MURIEL!!! WHAT ARE YOU-

Me: SeeyousoonLoveyouBye!

Adventure Buddy

Travel is one of those things people talk about doing but don’t follow through on and if you’ve never done it before, just knowing where to begin can be daunting. I remember being side by side with her on a treadmill in Planet Fitness many moons ago. She told me of volunteer programs she was looking into and gently nudged me to do the same. I jumped down the rabbit hole, dropped a few thousand on a trip to Thailand and never looked back. She also told me about a program with Maximo Nivel where I spent six months in Peru.

One of her many talents is finding great deals on plane tickets, accommodations and making an itinerary. We did seven music festivals together one year and she planned all the logistics. The highlights were EDC Vegas, Beyond Wonderland in California, Euphoria in Texas and Spring Awakening in Chicago. We did three cities in Spain (Madrid, Barcelona, Ibiza). We went to Kentucky for a rock festival which was cancelled, but didn’t realize it till we were boarding the plane. We explored Australia and New Zealand for a few weeks so I could figure out where I wanted to settle down for my Australian Working Holiday Visa.

Travelling with her gave me the confidence to explore my city and venture out on my own in the real world. She empowered me to spread my wings so I could take care of myself and other people while abroad.

Btw, Candis got deported from London. Yes, deported.

This is how we learn.

We’ve been through some shit together and she’s definitely helped me through mine.

One of my old roommates had a lot of issues and fucked up my place on his way out. I called Candis crying because it smelled terrible and I couldn’t figure out what it was. She comes over later that evening and helped me look through every inch of my house. Turns out, the shithead ex-roommate had left broken eggs, poured a jug of milk on my carpet and left a steak rotting in my closet while I was on vacation for a week. She helped me clean it all up.

She’s been there through my big heartbreaks. One was someone I wasn’t ready for. We learn more from our losses than our victories. She even stuck by me through a toxic relationship with a man-child who treated me and everyone I cared about like garbage. I remember he called her a “bad mom”. The look on her face was full of rage, hurt, betrayal and “oh-no-he-did-not-just-fucking-say-that”. It makes me sick to my stomach that I put up with him constantly talking down to me and my friends for so long. And I’m grateful Candis loved me hard enough until I got out.

"We love as much as we can. There isn't enough time to live and hate people." - wisdom from a tiny, tipsy Candis

Pride and Joy

I brag about her all the time.

Even though she’s shorter than me, I look up to her. She’s a single mom who works long hours and has been promoted several times. She has a degree in biochemistry and is pursuing her Master’s. She puts her daughter first always and somehow still finds time for everything else, like her booty. She puts in time at the gym and it shows. Good Lord, her ass is phenomenal. And her tits…can’t forget her tits.

She’s smart, funny, sweet, patient, resilient and strong. She puts me in my place. I used to be an immature, self-centered, clueless, overly dramatic, anxious crybaby stumbling through my early 20s… but her friendship and fortitude has made me a better person in every way. I truly wouldn’t be the woman I am today without her.

She’s my ride or die, my Wonderall, my rock in a hard place, the good stories to all my bad decisions.

She’s my best friend <3

”You look a little shitty. Maybe we should fix that.”

“SIT DOWN, MURIEL!”

“And…here we are.”

“Where did you put the socks?”

*giggles* Hey Candis…you gotta look at these bathroom walls…