A Hard Place — Happy Travel Cone

I fucked up.

Hard.

This realization hits me halfway up my second rock wall. I’m breaking a sweat. I’m breathing heavy. My forearm strength goes from 80% to 10% within three moves. My fingers stiffen and my left toe can’t find a steady grip without slipping.

Carter, the staff member, is telling me to put my foot on the blue rock. No…the other blue rock. Now big push up! I can’t. My friends are cheering me on. “You can do it, Muriel!”

I want to. But…I physically can’t. Dammit, what the hell? Why is this happening?

*******

“Guys down for a trampoline park or rock climbing?” Mike sends the text message in the group chat. Nick and Hunter are game and we decide on rock climbing. I’m excited because I’ve never done it before, and this will be the perfect opportunity to practice for my upcoming Adventure Guide Program.

We arrive at Delaware Rock Gym Inc. on a Saturday afternoon and choose to do the Trial Climb package for $30 per person: 3 climbs plus a warmup, shoe rental and bouldering. They harness us in, and we start with the warmup climb. Everyone reaches the top. We got this! Onto the next wall!

Nick goes first and finishes like a champ. Then it’s me.

I look up the 34-foot wall. Just do it. I start off strong. My friends make it look easy, but it’s harder than it looks. Just keep going. The thought of failure never crosses my mind… Until I’m halfway up. The wall has a slight overhang. I need to use more grip strength to move passed the underside of the lip. My upper body strength is depleting rapidly and panic sets in.

Mike is saying, “Be like a spring!” WTF does that even mean?! I put all my strength into one last push. I reach for a rock, grab it with aching fingers. Hunter says, “There ya go!” encouragingly. I try to move my right foot up one rock, but I know my left toe won’t hold. Nick says, “Just hang for like five seconds.” I breathe. Carter says, “Shake your hands out.” I shake.

They’re guiding me as to my next move. I hear them. Every breath is eternal and not nearly enough. Every moment of rest is clouded by the necessity to keep going. I am a hanging duck, floating and clenching, pushing and flailing. I know I need to move but my limbs are lead and will not obey. It’s terrifying. My sheer concentrated power of will is not congruent with my physical abilities.

I fucked up. Do you want to know why?

A year ago, I signed up for an Adventure Guide Program where I will be rock climbing and hiking for three whole months in Nepal. I will be doing THIS on the side of a freaking CLIFF in another COUNTRY. I am going to this program in a MONTH and I am completely GASSED halfway up an INDOOR rock wall that all my friends blazed through. I am in WAAAYYYY over my head and I need to get my shit together ASAP.

I’m not an Olympian but I’m no couch potato either. I do yoga, BJJ and the gym regularly - at least 2 out of 3 on any given day. I’m confident in my physical abilities. I didn’t think rock climbing would be a cake walk but I never thought it would royally kick my ass.

It is a humbling experience.

I almost quit a few times, but I make it to the top of the wall, slowly, painfully and shaking. I’m supposed to “tap the number” when I reach the top, but my fingertips delicately graze the number with barely enough force to pop a soap bubble.

I glide down. I’m defeated with my tail between my legs…but it’s just the rope hanging from the harness. Ok, I’m gonna take a break, get some pointers and do it again. Third times a charm, right? It’s not. Every inch, hold, grip, step, transition is a struggle. I’m flailing on the wall trying to get a foothold and wasting precious energy. I tap out before reaching the top.

I try bouldering after and am more successful, but the holds are a lot bigger and easier to grasp, and the wall is half as tall. My friend Mike effortlessly climbs a low overhang section. I try it and can’t even keep all my points on the wall. He says it’s all core. I clench my abs…and fall like a raw turkey from a ceiling. Eh, maybe next time.

There is a bright side. I have a plan and a month to execute it:

1. Condition and strengthen my upper body, forearms, and grips. Practice hanging body weight from fingertips. It will hurt.

2. Improve my technique. Keep hands/ arms above me and “hang”. If arms are bent by my side, it means I am pulling and using up energy. When stepping, use the side of big toe, not outside of foot. Do not have chicken legs and always have three points of contact. Slow down and breathe.

It’s easier said than done but it can be done. I’m glad I failed NOW as opposed to on the side of a cliff for the first time. I’ve failed this hard only a handful of times in my life, but this is when I learn and grow the most.

When caught between a rock and a hard place, sometimes the only way out is through.

And I will get it done.

My friends :) (Mike, Hunter, myself and Nick)

******

Do you have any rock-climbing advice for me? Please share!