A Vindictive Valentine

A Vindictive Valentine

By Muriel Palanca

Here is a poem. Happy Valentines Day!

I hope you enjoy it, while you read what I say.

This holiday’s stupid and society’s to blame,

Because every year it’s exactly the same.

Women get flowers that will wither and die.

The “love in the air” is really cyanide.

Cards are just paper with a few cheesy words.

Love songs sound painful, like ten strangled birds.

Cupid is Satan in a sweet, little form.

The wings are distractions so we won’t notice the horns.

Love at first sight is such a cliché.

Maybe you should walk…no…RUN the other way.

All the frogs that I’ve kissed have turned out to be toads.

I wish candlelight dinners would somehow explode.

Oh, thanks for the heart, lace trimmed and red.

I wish I had gotten something useful instead.

That’s so adorable! A stuffed teddy bear?

Don’t mind me puking in the gift box over there.

Dancing under moonlight must be like heaven

Cause that’s where you’re going. Look, Armageddon!

Diamonds, in the end, are just shiny stones.

They won’t give you warm fuzzies when you’re sad and alone.

The smile on your face from getting engaged

Will later be replaced with the fires of rage.

And we can’t forget what’s important in life.

A super rich husband or a totally hot wife.

Love is just chemicals that mess with your brain.

It makes you act foolish and drives you insane.

Love is a game where the players all lose.

You cheat, lie and try, but your heart ends up bruised.

Yes, it’s annoying to hear someone complain.

You know what? Go ahead. Throw your money down the drain.

I admit I’m a cynic. I hope you’re not pissed.

If you are, I don’t care. Go jump off a cliff.

And now, once again, I just want to say,

I hope you have a Happy…oh screw it…I hate Valentines Day!

*Instead of using those premade Valentine’s kits with candy, I handed this out in school.